That's just life.....

Hey everyone! It's been a while haven't it? Yea well i done all my mids and gotten my results got number 11 in class got 3 As and fail one sub(add maths) and struggling to find which collage to go to and ask for scholarships.I been busy doing research and all...it's just so hard to find what i really wanna do in life. Am i mean at first i wanted to be a nurse(can't lie to u there) but now i want to be an accountant it's just so hard. To be honest i wanted to be an accountant because the pay is quite satisfying. I'm not really sure if i'm that intrested in accounts but i like the subject. It's nice and intresting but gee...i dunno. my desicion is so mixed up right now....i want to get a good job and i want to love my job cuz that's what i'll be doing for the rest of my life.Spm is next year and who knows what i can get for my results. iwork harder now but ineed to work even harder!! it's not easy. I'm upset with my dad for being too proud at my brother for getting no 3 in class and never said anything about my position. I drop from 8-11. But wait! the first exams doesn't count cuz i oni got i A and mids i got 3 As! i never my life for that before and what do my brother get? No As..just 4 PJK and he got no3 in class. I'm battling with sum smart people in class and my dumb brother is NOT! Do u realize how hard is it to get higher marks than anyone?? WEll do u? I work my butt of for my results and my dad didn't even congratualate me but go "oooh Christopher u got number 3 in class that's good" and i'm been sulking at that time. Parents sometimes expect too much! I use to fail alot last time now i'm doing better and now they expect more from me??I got limits too u knw. My limits in greds is dependant. How am i too please them till they were proud of me?? It's not easy to be an excellent daughter okey? Wish they could cut me some slack.....

That's the way it should be..

I been thinking alot lately and i think since i moved to Puchong...i can see that i must stand on my own two feet. My life has totally changed and i have to go through alot of things on my own.It may be hard but i have to stay strong. In school...i have to concertrate by myself. I hve to focus and no one is there to help me. I have to understand everything by myself. At tution,i felt like i'm the most stupid person there..my anwsers are always wrong i feel like i'm failing all the time. I tried so hard but my effort wasn't enough. I dun hve much friends there oni one. At chuirch my best friend left me and i have to continue my time being alone and friendless. I'm not sure what this is..could it be a punishment? Or just something that God wants me to learn and be something useful. I ned and i MUST gain more knowledge. This few days i'hve been wasting my time on the computer and i can't seem to stop! It's like i became addicted to it. This has to stop. My english and my bm spelling gotten worst. I feel like all the things i used to knw slowy started to vanish. This is all my fault. I must get my knowledge back before i became more stupid. My history about the world is soo low. I'm not even good with directions..and i suck at doing house things...cooking as well. i'm totally useless. Yes i'm useless. i have to find away to get more knowledge aobut things before i hve to regret this for the rest my life...