What can i say..

Hey guys, how u've been? i can say that i am definitely learning so much in college. So many experience i been through for these past 5 months..some are sad, happy, depressing and rather emotional. I met so many types of people. I been hurt, confused, appreciated,ignore and loved. But from all these things..something hit me and make me wonder..y must i go through all this..y cant i just focus on one thing which is finish my foundation and go straight up to degree..all this..bad experiences...are just like a distraction to me..its frustrating and made me feel backfired..i mean...what is God plan for me? what does he really want from me? I always tell myself..to surrender everything to Him because i knw that if i do that..good things always come around in the end. I get to find who is my real frens and realized friends that i made before college..lets just say some are just meant to pass by in your life but not to stay with u forever. Honestly, for me..m having a nervous breakdown because in me right now is hurt and confused. i try hard to pretend like its nothing but sometimes it gets notice by my friends who are really really close to me. I m not an expressful person..and i don't like sharing my problems with people unless i really need advice on things that been really scaring my heart. I don't trust people as much as i used too when i was young. U cant blame for having such emotion to not trust people easily because..when you been hurt deeply..that scars are not easy to heal but takes years to grow and let go. But i know its normal because everyone has to go through this in life as part of growing up..but i just wished that there were times when we could just skipped the bad parts and focus on the good parts...

I'm sick of this mask

Hey guys, here i am sitting in front of the com figuring out words going through my mind thinking tht wat the heck m i gonna type in this post. Well, i been through alot this month or this year as you can say it. Hmm..i really don't knw wat m i gonna post here...but i wanna post something. hmm let's start with my hair, ok i cut my hair like really really short. U can actually mistaken me as a guy from the back. Anyways, the reason why i cut my hair is 1. Malaysian weather is like an oven covering up the whole country, 2. I wanted a new look and 3. well i'm trying to figure out what makes me who i am. I been living with the dark sides sometimes but no i have not been doing witch craft or spirit haunting or any of those bull s*** crap...just i been feeling really bloomy this month and dressing up all black and painting my nails..black even. Black really been suiting with my mood nowadays. I more growing my bond with punkish look over my self. Don't really know why but yeah kinda luving it. I think..i'm just lost. I fell into the dark hole and now i'm trying to find the light.I kept thinking..no i don't think i'll ever find my way back. I hate living a life with same routine and shit but i wanna start having life into my life...get wat i mean? Right now m grooving to Carrie Underwoods song ever ever after. Pretty good song. It's a soundtrack from enchanted. Good movie. Anyways, I been logging for something happening in my life. But to be honest i don't really knw wat i'm logging for. I just hope..in my 4 years of college, i will have the best time in my life...and find the real me. I been stuck into this mask for so long. I need to find my way back or m gonna have shit for life. It's like everyday, i growing even more gloomy and seems to be loosing people i loved and things i been so attached with fro so long. I been feeling unappreciated by people i thought were my friends. i need Him into my life. I need Him to help me find myself otherwise m really going to get screwed..

Yo yo yo! Wat up humans? Lol. Anyway, I just recently started college last week..and well technically it was this week..but..aha..wait..yeah it was this week anyway, I seriously dunno knw if I can get used to the place or not. Starting college is life starting a new life or a new chapter u can say and the worst part is my classmates do not look sporting at all. AS in frenly? Yeah. Well I just went for two class only plus orientation so I won't judge much abt them yet. But i'm just scared I guess...I mean I dun knw anyone and i'm pretty sure tht most of them are from KL and i'm like a far away leaf. ">< yikes huh? But I dunno..I guess I just have to wait a little longer and sees wat happens. :/

Will the world accept me?

Hey u out there~ m back! Now alot has happen but i'm gonna vut to the chase. U see m starting college next week. Finally, my prayed was answered. basically it wasn't the college i wanted to end up in but i'm grateful tht m able to go. Anyway, college...yikes? gosh this is all happening so fast i mean. i just remember tht i did my SPM and just got the results last month now m starting college...4 months of break really gone by so fast. And, the saddest point was tht i..quit my job. My first and best job(at the current moment) ever. I miss everyone. i really do but most have resigned too and further their studies. I remembered when i first did the interview. Haizzz....really, alot sure has happen. Now tht i'm starting college.. i wonder what kind of people i'll meet. i just hope i'll fit in the society. It's so far..from home which makes me even more nervous. i hate tht it's far. And worst of all, i hate tht i have to take a bus there everyday till i get my P. But~! I just got my L license today! whooopy~~ haha, i feel so so... i dunno. i feel like i need to sit down and breathe a moment. Time is going by so fast. it's like u have to catch it to make sure u dun loose the time u want to spend with ur love ones. Haizz...m scared and m getting scared and scared each day. And my parents? haizz.. i dunno. I'm not sure if they are ready to let me go. I'm growing up and i want to explore more and get more experience...NOT play by the rules or book or whatever u call it. Sometimes u just gotta break the rules abit or changed it(in a good way i mean). I want my parents to trust me like how i trust them. i want them to knw tht i knw how to take care of myself and i knw wat i must avoid. i do respect myself and i will never let anything happen to me cuz i knw even myself do not any harm in my body. Basically m a clean freak to my body. I can't stand having one dirt or mud on my skin. I can't focus on anything if i'm all sweaty and smelly. i use to even wear slippers to take a shower when i was kid. While bathing just because i didn't want my feet to touch the nasty floor even if it's clean. so yeah. Lol abt my driving. aha i fail like four times just because i took it in english. But when i took in bahasa melayu..i pass. No makes sense i knw. but nvm i'm happy i pass and i have made it this far. So i'll end it here and will post..ok i can't promise soon but i'll post..again. Sumwhere in future. xD Chaozzz my lovelies~

Sisters forever?

Hey guys, it's been a long time since my last post but here's another yeah. It's been so so so long...yeah alot has happen. I'm currently enjoying my job. Good frens and good manager. Lol kinda reminds me of school. :) I'll be registering for driving nthis sat and i'm hoping it will turn out well cuz i really wanna get my license before college. Kinda abit nervous to start college life. i mean feels really.. i dunno scary? Meeting smarter people then u, puberty? peer pressure? lol...yikes huh? Anyway, about my title post well, i meant by sisters forever is tht, u see i been questioning abt my best fren lately, well i'm not sure if we should call each other best frens anymore, not tht we're not frens anymore, we are just tht now, i think she decided to grow farther relationship with me...i dunno it's just tht she doesn't seems to appreciate our frenship. I understand tht we dun see each other anymore but, my point is i guess iwas a little hurt or more cuz i done alot for her. i been a good fren and was there when she needed me but now she's acting like none of tht happen and come to think abt her character, i see why i had been so stupid to go along with her rotten characteristics. But now i see how it is. I have to move on and forget abt her. She's just sum1 tht i use to knw from now on. Good riddance my fren, i wish u happiness in future.

Pls just back off!

Ok...m starting to get really mad at my parents and relatives already! I want them to just freaking BACK OFF cuz i knw wat i'm doing. Dun compare me, dun comment about my character and DUN JUDGE me!! i'm me and tht's it. I didn't judge u so dun judge me! I 'm working and tht's MY MONEY I EARN! I spend how i like it! F*** off and leave it. I knw my budged and i NEVER question u on how u spend ur money so dun start on me cuz u really starting to get on my nerves. U just wait till i grown up then u seelah. Dun regret it. Damn u people! I already been frustrated with my job so just shut up and give me support. Dun wan to give then go away and let me do it my way. I'm growing up and i need good guidelines not ur lousy complain or insults about me! If u love me then love me. I love u just the way u are so DUN upset me with ur words and actions cuz i'm human and i have feelings. Sometimes it's really hard NOT to swear! I hate myself for swearing but really i can't help it anymore! Sumtimes it just busrt out but i dun mean it! Haizz...i prayed everyday tht the LOrd will help me changed...