Frens or ur lover?

If i were to ask you a simple question..and i asked if who would u prefer ur frens or ur lover? what will your answer be? Sometimes i just dun get people. They fall for someone and they simply just forget about their frens who had been with them before they were in a relationship, who lend a shoulder to cry on, who wipe their tears off, who comfort u in ur time in need but in the end they just spat on them like it was not worthy. WEll, in my opinion no matter how much they hurt you, i just dun knw why but i still be there for them even if they hurt me deeply. I just i forgive easily. Whenever i feel sad or just hurt i remain quite till i feel like talking again. I dunno why but i just do....and sometimes people dun get tht. They just keep bugging me and trying to make me talk and i just keep quite and i m sick of people pissing me off. why can't they understand that i'm not happy and i just want to be alone? Inside me is screaming like really screaming and crying but outside i just look like nothing's wrong. I try to stay strong and hold all the sorrows in me. Then when i found a nice plave, i'll pour my heart out till i'm better or i'll pray. And maybe self soothing myself with food and listening to songs in my room. Quiet and dark. I dunno why i'm even posting this. I guess i read and article before then when ur hurt or heartbroken you should pour out ur feelings to a paper or table rather then keeping it tied up. :/ Take care.<3

I just DO NOT get parents

Like my title i just HAD to blog abt this. I mean seriously! What's their problem?? I dun get them sometimes. Like today, i wanted to cook my own dinner cuz i didn't want to go to my grandma house as it was raining and walking there will be a mess with the wind blowing at my face and had to hold tightly onto my umbrella so anyway, the point was! That my dad was like "Are u sure or not( he mention my name) after u forgot to turn off the fire and start crapping and he said it such a rude way i was insulted and pissed off. One thing i hate abt people is when they underestimate me. I really despise tht. I mean when i don't do something. They complain i never learn or just lazy but when i DID do it they say i'm not cut out for it. So stupid! So what? i mean at least i'm trying! I'm 17 for shit sake! I should start learning by now. Stop treating me like a child. I maybe forgetful but i knw what i'm doing. I bet later he's gonna shit this to my grandma practically talking trash abt me. I knw this because he does this alot of times. He thinks i dun understand chinese but sorry dude i do! I understand what the hell he say when he talks to my grandma because all these years i heard them speaking in chinese. And sometimes i just keep quite abt it even if it was something bad about me. Sorry for the rude way of blogging this but i'm really upset right now. this is not the first time it happen. Sometimes i thought of living in my own apartment...well alot of times i did because i wanted to do things on my own. if i'm here at home my parents won't let me do anything. They comment the way i iron my clothes, the way i swept the floor, the way i fold my clothes..i mean i'm FOLDING my own clothes..not theirs! If tht's the way i like so let it BE! Get it?? it's my clothes and I"M WEARING IT! Who cares if it looks ugly..dun blame me cuz i seen the way they do so i'm just following how they do it so ur practically insulting ur own skill set. :P Urgh parents sometimes really get to my nerves. "==

There is no title

Hi blog, i was suppose to update last week but.. unfortunately i was in depression. Y? Because i got my results back. And i can clearly see tht i didn't work hard enough. I'm really pissed at everyone, myself, God, my frens simply everyone and everything. I hate myself. I studied so HARD> I gave everything i got. i'm soo mad at me and to be honest..i wanted to cut myself. It happen on Friday...i got my sej paper..and unsurprisingly i failed. I was soo soo soo soo DEPRESSED i cried in class( course i'm not sure who saw) but..i was so mad the whole day i kept thinking i wanted to cut myself. I kept thinking what if i done? how would the feeling be...I think satisfaction to be more accurately. I wanted to cut myself because i wanted to punish myself for not focusing. I'm gonna destroyed myself sooner or late if i dun wake up. To see the blood dripping down my hand..tht seems like a first. I cut myself before when i was younger just tht i didn't tell anyone. But it was my fingers..mostly my index finger. just to try and i kinda..like it. Yes i'm crazy. but yesterday i went for mass.( i didn't go for mass for a very long time) and surprisingly the priest was talking about insecurity. And a little bit of being ready to accept yourself. I was shocked because tht's what i actually needed at tht time. I'm very competitive....i hate to see people doing better then me especially in exam. Anyway, I dun knw if tht talk was from God or what but i felt better after tht. My depressed disappear. Automatically. It was something i would like to keep in mind of. Tht God has not given up on u. And i hope He has his reason for not answering my prays in time of need. I dun really hve the mood to post so this is where i stop... PS: Whoever read this better not blab it to certain people and yes i'm referring to YOU. U knw who u are. So this post stays in my blog and tht's tht.