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Hi blog, i was suppose to update last week but.. unfortunately i was in depression. Y? Because i got my results back. And i can clearly see tht i didn't work hard enough. I'm really pissed at everyone, myself, God, my frens simply everyone and everything. I hate myself. I studied so HARD> I gave everything i got. i'm soo mad at me and to be honest..i wanted to cut myself. It happen on Friday...i got my sej paper..and unsurprisingly i failed. I was soo soo soo soo DEPRESSED i cried in class( course i'm not sure who saw) but..i was so mad the whole day i kept thinking i wanted to cut myself. I kept thinking what if i done? how would the feeling be...I think satisfaction to be more accurately. I wanted to cut myself because i wanted to punish myself for not focusing. I'm gonna destroyed myself sooner or late if i dun wake up. To see the blood dripping down my hand..tht seems like a first. I cut myself before when i was younger just tht i didn't tell anyone. But it was my fingers..mostly my index finger. just to try and i kinda..like it. Yes i'm crazy. but yesterday i went for mass.( i didn't go for mass for a very long time) and surprisingly the priest was talking about insecurity. And a little bit of being ready to accept yourself. I was shocked because tht's what i actually needed at tht time. I'm very competitive....i hate to see people doing better then me especially in exam. Anyway, I dun knw if tht talk was from God or what but i felt better after tht. My depressed disappear. Automatically. It was something i would like to keep in mind of. Tht God has not given up on u. And i hope He has his reason for not answering my prays in time of need. I dun really hve the mood to post so this is where i stop... PS: Whoever read this better not blab it to certain people and yes i'm referring to YOU. U knw who u are. So this post stays in my blog and tht's tht.