I just DO NOT get parents

Like my title i just HAD to blog abt this. I mean seriously! What's their problem?? I dun get them sometimes. Like today, i wanted to cook my own dinner cuz i didn't want to go to my grandma house as it was raining and walking there will be a mess with the wind blowing at my face and had to hold tightly onto my umbrella so anyway, the point was! That my dad was like "Are u sure or not( he mention my name) after u forgot to turn off the fire and start crapping and he said it such a rude way i was insulted and pissed off. One thing i hate abt people is when they underestimate me. I really despise tht. I mean when i don't do something. They complain i never learn or just lazy but when i DID do it they say i'm not cut out for it. So stupid! So what? i mean at least i'm trying! I'm 17 for shit sake! I should start learning by now. Stop treating me like a child. I maybe forgetful but i knw what i'm doing. I bet later he's gonna shit this to my grandma practically talking trash abt me. I knw this because he does this alot of times. He thinks i dun understand chinese but sorry dude i do! I understand what the hell he say when he talks to my grandma because all these years i heard them speaking in chinese. And sometimes i just keep quite abt it even if it was something bad about me. Sorry for the rude way of blogging this but i'm really upset right now. this is not the first time it happen. Sometimes i thought of living in my own apartment...well alot of times i did because i wanted to do things on my own. if i'm here at home my parents won't let me do anything. They comment the way i iron my clothes, the way i swept the floor, the way i fold my clothes..i mean i'm FOLDING my own clothes..not theirs! If tht's the way i like so let it BE! Get it?? it's my clothes and I"M WEARING IT! Who cares if it looks ugly..dun blame me cuz i seen the way they do so i'm just following how they do it so ur practically insulting ur own skill set. :P Urgh parents sometimes really get to my nerves. "==

There is no title

Hi blog, i was suppose to update last week but.. unfortunately i was in depression. Y? Because i got my results back. And i can clearly see tht i didn't work hard enough. I'm really pissed at everyone, myself, God, my frens simply everyone and everything. I hate myself. I studied so HARD> I gave everything i got. i'm soo mad at me and to be honest..i wanted to cut myself. It happen on Friday...i got my sej paper..and unsurprisingly i failed. I was soo soo soo soo DEPRESSED i cried in class( course i'm not sure who saw) but..i was so mad the whole day i kept thinking i wanted to cut myself. I kept thinking what if i done? how would the feeling be...I think satisfaction to be more accurately. I wanted to cut myself because i wanted to punish myself for not focusing. I'm gonna destroyed myself sooner or late if i dun wake up. To see the blood dripping down my hand..tht seems like a first. I cut myself before when i was younger just tht i didn't tell anyone. But it was my fingers..mostly my index finger. just to try and i kinda..like it. Yes i'm crazy. but yesterday i went for mass.( i didn't go for mass for a very long time) and surprisingly the priest was talking about insecurity. And a little bit of being ready to accept yourself. I was shocked because tht's what i actually needed at tht time. I'm very competitive....i hate to see people doing better then me especially in exam. Anyway, I dun knw if tht talk was from God or what but i felt better after tht. My depressed disappear. Automatically. It was something i would like to keep in mind of. Tht God has not given up on u. And i hope He has his reason for not answering my prays in time of need. I dun really hve the mood to post so this is where i stop... PS: Whoever read this better not blab it to certain people and yes i'm referring to YOU. U knw who u are. So this post stays in my blog and tht's tht.

It stings~~

Hello blog~ bit weird talking to a blog. Anywho, i'm bored so i decided to..well..blog. And guess what? I have a secret but i won't tell u here but it's something to do with my skin. Yes skin..it's such a pain to have to take good care of it. Anyway, i read an article about lemons makes ur skin brighter and whiter so i decided to give it a go and guess what as i rub some lemon juice on my skin and BAM! It's stings so so so so badly. It's like waxing the hair off ur skin. It hurts so bad i just keep myself from screaming. I was like "Urghhhh~" hold it in. Yeah..today was my bad experience with lemons but my skin is all red now but i would like to see the results it turn out later. Haizzz..i'm crazy yes it's because i'm too cheap to buy whitening products at the pharmacy.xD Natural home remedies are a way cheap and less chemical to effect to ur skin/hair. So my trials is over and yes i'm very happy but next week is the results..and damn i'm so scared i could pee in my pants. Lol. No not really. I'm so nervous. I do not want to see my effort gone down to the drain. I mean..I WORKED so hard for this and it sucks if it turns out bad! and unfair!>:( Since my birthday had pass few days ago.. actually a week ago i had did some flashback this few days. I been thinking when i was young what i had done look like all good memories i have taken and recorded it in my mind. Have u ever been used by sum1 before? Yeah..thought so. It sucks. I recently found out tht someone was using me to get in a relationship with my best fren. As soon as i got to knw tht..boy did i confront tht person like mad. WE're not talking anymore and in the end my fren wasn't interested. XD It serve u right for using sum1 like that. U gain that person trust and thinking ' Oh great, i could count on him/her" but in the end they just stabs u in the back..like cheese. Lol i dun really knw why cheese but yeah cheese. But it's life..so anyway i gtg..so i'll post soon~ TTFN

Happy 17th Birthday to mee~~

Haha! Yeah i'm 17~~ woot! This year was the best birthday among all my birthdays!:) Why?? Because my parents didn't argue today. So i guess this is also consider the best birthday present~! ;) I mean my parents normally argue whenever we go out together as a family..so..anyway....we went IOI actually we went to this new place called Parimidim and it was HUGE~! o.O But still renovating...and inside was all clothes shop nothing much and no FAST FOOD restaurants(yet) and i wanted pizza so we decided to go Ioi i took sum pics but i'll only post them in FB. And and i GOT A NEW PHONE~!! Woot I'm so happy..i mean finally. I been praying for a new phone and i guess God decided to give it to me on the right time and man it was. Haha i'm enjoying my new phone and well i enjoyed my birthday and yups i shall post soon. :)

LOL

Ok is it just me or did i just forget on how to actually change my blogger template?? xD Weird i must be on drugs! Lol i'm kidding dun give me that look! Anyway, urgh what a waste of good sleep! Ok so i had this bible knowledge exam and i was completely unprepared! Y?? Because this week i had exams and i didn't have time to study. I knw..no excuse but listen. My exams schedule are really a mess. i hve to study everything last min. I even sacrifice my sleep just to study and boy did it stinks! I mean seriously! i thought pulling a all nighter actually works but no it doesn't..during the exam today i thought it would finally paid off but hell no! As soon as i got the paper..my eyes felt sleepy. I almost wanted to just drop dead on the table and take a few naps but no i forced myself to focus and i actually crap the whole paper. I felt bad cuz i should knw my own religion but this exam wasn't easy. They dun want just an eassay they want it exactly on the book. U can't edit ur own words or quotes. No! It has to be on the essay which it sucks cuz who can remember every single word in the bokok? Exact words? But i was wrong. I saw sum people was actually writing 5-7 pages long when mine is just 2 pages! But this is just trials which is good. Now it wake me up! It made me feel like there's no time to fool around and i WANT to get an A form my bible knowledge. I'm actually aiming 6 As for SPM..but i'm not sure if i can do it but i'll try. subjects are... - English (duh) -Moral -Bible Knowledge -Perdagangan -Science -Maths?? Well i'm hoping actually so yeah. xD haha anyways today was cool cuz it was my first time taking LRT with my frens~! Two of them actually. It was with Suzie and Nick. I was so excited at first i mean LRT with frens? how cool is that? Well we were SUPER DUPER late for exam. like 15 mins late cuz of Nick who had to come late cuz of work(didn't knew he had a job) Anyway but he got us MCD so basically i forgive for being late. I mean come we were only 15 mins late. Not to mention we had to walk like what seems like a 1000 miles to the school which is at Stella Maris beside(St. Anthony church). *rolleyes* Anywho, i been tired lately and i thought coming home i would sleep but nope! I actually bought a new DVD at my mom's working place on the way home. :) It was nice. LOL(Miley Cyrus) acts in it.At first i hesitate cuz i heard rumors that it was a bad movie but no. It was actually like what we teens are feeling. Except the drugs, and free sex part or the smoking pot. Other then that it was nice. It was more to american teen prob rather then asian teens? Man i'm crapping. Aha.. oh i forgot to mention tht my relationship is improving. :) I think it's because i'm growing up and my mom seems to try and create a close relationship with me. Plus, she's getting me a new phone. Which is actually hers but she just bought it this year and i like it. It got blue tooth, wifi ,songs i can jam into. Just what i want. I'm not too picky to my phone. Owh yeah. there was this incident when me and my frens were having luch at MCD. lol breakfast MCD lunch MCD. xD Ain't healthy. So this boy little bot around 4-5 years old was sitting beside me. My fren told me he kept staring at me so i turned and yikes he was. I'm like errr....ok?? I dun really knw how to react with kids. My fren asked me 'why u don't like kids' I'm like no..i don't. U see i have a brother..a younger brother. 5 years younger then me...so during his growing up..he has totally lost my passion for kids. The way he demand things and pest me around drives me mad. It's a long story..(i think my cousin should know) Dun get me wrong i love my brother only at certain age...i think maybe this year i start liking him cuz he grown from that bradish attitude and becoming more mature and....really tuff to handle. Really tuff.:/ So yeah i guess i kinda lost my interest in entertaining children. When they stare at me i'll just stare back or smile. I dun knw how to make them smile..-_- but seeing how my fren actually had a french fry eating comp with the kid makes me miss having a much much younger (like 2-3) brother. After that age, he grew to be a pest(My brother)Until her mom gave us the nuggets she bought for her kid but ended giving to her (actually to all of us) but we was so fulled. xD Especially me. o.O i has gastric and i threw up in the toilet cuz my stomach was pushing the urge to vomit into my throat. I dun have anorexia ok. I just feel like throwing up whenever my gastric becomes bad and i dun hve the appetite to eat. So yeah... i been typing alot today..hiazz any way i gtg so i shall see you around. ;)

Take 5

I'm not really sure why i name my title 'Take 5' i think it's because i hear those celeb when they felt pressure on screen, the director will ask them to take five.xD i guess i kinda got dips for that line. Haha. Anyway, i 'm actually NOT suppose to be on9 because my trials are on and i'm just taking a little break. So far my break has gone up more then an hour which is not good. I should be studying...yes..i think i really should..but saying it is much more easier then doing it. >< Anyways, i'm proud to say my fren Joey actually had sum guy wanting to sell her pics. This is such good news. Her drawings had definitely improved from the last time i saw them. It's great really. She can do business if she agree to this. Though i'm really longing to go to Comic Fiesta this year. Think i'll wear my ninjutsu outfit since i dun have time to find a outfit to cosplay as. But unfortunately i dun think i'll be able to make it since my REAL SPM actually starts on that month. Actually it starts on Joey birthday Nov 5th..aha what a birthday present man. XD so i'll be busy and practically pouring my brains out.I miss my frens....everyday i go to skul i look at my frens i felt nothing. I felt i dun belong to that group. At all. I miss my old frens. My frens who calls me and asked how i'm doing...yeah i really do miss them. I'm counting the days when my high school will ends. Then i 'll be free..free..from 'them' and go back to the place that i left for almost 2 years now. Sum of my frens kena PLKN...thank God i didn't get picked and i really pray for their safety. I heard alot of complains about that program...aha which i dun think it'll be a good idea to mention them here. Sorry. My trials..ahh~ well they are going well so far but i'm afraid for next Tuesday which is my perdagangan subject which i dun hate but i think it hates me. -_- i dun understand why it won't go into my head. I should have entered sub-science! I reggreted it! The principle in my new skul actually came to my class and offered sum students and i was one of them but i turned it down( what was i thinking!!) now i'm stuck to this artsy partsy class and my classmates are like robots. Never participate in class and i'll be the one answering the questions in class like a class nerd. Yeah..not a really good image in class if u knw what i mean. But i get along with sum i guess..they're not that bad...when they are nice. Plus, i think i need to change my background.>< i been stuck with this background for quite sumtime now. I think i'll change after my trials which ends in two weeks time..:3 and i shall breathe..a little. Kays i think i update enough..so i shall see u guys when i see u guess. Take care and God bless~ :3

This is me...

Hello my friend, i think i just realized that whenever i feel down or dun knw how to expression myself..i come to you...well, today i come to you once again. I'm practically turning 17 next month and still in the process of growing up i still hve a mind of a 16 year old girl. i dun understand why some people like to treat me like i'm 30 or in my twenties. You see, coming for a 16 year old girl i'm not mature yet and i still need people to make decisions for me and tell me what to (although i hate it when people does tht) anyway, i wished that some adults can understand my situation as a TEENAGE girl growing up just like to go through life experience as much as i can. I like to have fun. I like to be adventurous. I can't sit at home all the time lock in my room doing practically nothing. I'm a quite person. I keep alot of things in my mind which i dun show others what i'm thinking. My frens say i dream alot..actually i 'm not. I being in my own world. Asking questions and answering them my self. I like to think about the future and i make plans about the future in my head. Tht's why i like to write...i love writing...because writing is the only way i can express myself. I'm not a type who speaks everything abt what i feel..no..tht's not me. i always forget what to say or i'll reconsider my feelings which make me feel worst later on. I'm being me. U dun judge and i won't judge you. U dun me..although u THINK u knw but no..u dun. My childhood up till now made me open up my eyes. I been through alot. And i'm practically the only one in my family who seen the worst tht could ever been seen. My brother is still young and he is still going through his childhood..my cousin..i'm not really sure but i know she does not go through what i did. Parents fighting, having to choose which parent u prefer best at such a young age..hearing family backgrounds which is sometimes unpleasant..and having the feeling of being useless. i'm always being compared. Ever since young i always been compared. My family doesn't realized this but i do. They dun knw tht they were comparing me.. and i always been compared to one of my family member but i'm not going to mention who is it. She should knw for herself or maybe she doesn't. People say i'm too sensitive...maybe i am. I'm me..who are you? I know myself..and i'm still getting to knw deeper about myself. I knw what and who i believe in. I dun need you to tell me. Since young i have a very strong faith. I always hve and been. I dun need some book or go trough seminars to find out that the Lord loves me..because i knw. He has been with me and had help me pick myself. U didn't. U were not there when i need you..you were not there to save me. He did..it was all Him. Dun take tht from me. Dun try to change my faith. I make mistakes..it's for me to correct them and it's for me to learn from them...not you. Ever since i was young....i never loose my faith...because he is all i hve. He is there when i need him. He never gave up hope on me..nor will i ever gave up hope on him. I love him. U can be all disappointed with me for all i care. No one in this world can teach me better about faith then Him. He show me how to have faith EVERYDAY in my life. Did u knw tht God had tested my faith EVERY single day? Did u knw how strong my faith is now? A person is a person. We learn from things we see and do. U can teach a child about life..but U can't tell a child how to live their lives. Everyone has the rights to make their own decision. I do too. so please, do not..because of this ruin everything we had together. Dun ruin this relationship just because you can't make me become someone who u want me to be. i'm tired of being whatever they want me to be...i'm sick of it.I hve nothing against u. You are important to me just the same as He is important to me. He is my saviour and my hero...don't take it away.