Ho ho... Oh no!

Merry Christmas people~~ :) and a HAPPY new year~. :D Ok..so let's see here..have i open up my presents? Check..wished all my frens? check..count all my angpaus? double check~ Oh speaking of christmas presents..this year was THE WORST christmas presents i ever receive. First one of my relatives present me and my brother..COUPLE mugs???? Dafuq! Seriously really bad present ever. Second present was...from my aunt. She gave me a book on how to be a great leader? Wth is tht all abt? I swear tht women DO not knw how to give presents. "== What would i want to be involve of being a great leader? sumtimes her presents can be...a little insulting. M not only talking abt christmas times but also in birthdays. I remember she present sum paint ur self pic thing last year..and when i read the box..it was for 4 year olds!! "== i was 16 damn it! Sumtimes i just wished she just give me nothing cuz no point giving me sumthing tht sounds insulting or look insulting. Yes the thought counts but in my defends when u open up the present..i dun think u will be thiking abt THOUGHTS THT COUNT at the moment. "== M not really enjoying my christmas this year and i had a terrible christmas eve ever. I realized i'll never gonna follow my uncle and aunt for outing ever again cuz they are such boring couples. aha...yeah..really..they are. Well i dun wanna waste my time talking abt them. i practically wasted 10 sec of my life mentioning them I knw i sound mean but after wat happen yesterday. I'm not in the mood to forgive them.

MIXPOD IS CLOSED..?!?! Great now how m i gonna update my songs..."=.= darn website..haizzzz..so anyway, like i said in my previous post i was looking for a job..and yes i found one. But this shall be my second job actually. I'm not gonna give away to much abt it but i'm starting my first day here and yikes m pretty nervous..i mean i never done this before and i'm afraid i might screw it up. Hope i didn't just jinx it..lol. i was lucky to get a second job cuz for the past weeks i been searching an searching till i almost give up. I thought i was gonna spend my hols at home...rotting..till my results release. Phew. Well sometimews when u have a little faith and just keep on praying..miracle things seems to twist it around and make it come true. ;) aha..well i dun think i'm gonna post much cuz nothing has happen or anything interesting happening arounds here...since my skuled years has ended...everyone is just simply busy working or lazying at home so i rarely meet any of my frens nowadays....NEIL PATRICK HARRIS IS GAY!! T__T tht was a shocking news for me cuz i uesed to watch how i met your mother on starwolrd and i never he was...gay..and then i watched smurf and he with his wife..and then i found out his gays kinda makes me feel awkward watching his movies every now and then. BUTS~ there's smurf 2 coming soon i hear..and boy i'm looking forward to day..:D haha k i gtg..so chao peeps.

It's over

Hey people..it's been a while yes. But i got bored Fbing so i decided to uodate my bolg. Pffft obviously. Anyway, SPM or shaill i say ASS PEE MMM is over! X) I can't believe it..i graduated from skul...no more..skul....it's like a dream i just woke up..but i can't believe it happen..really...i mean..wha..hold on..i'm not schooling anymore??? It's like..whao...u can see how time pass by..and gosh..i'm speechless..really i am..now i dunno what to do with my life...m planning to get a job this month..but yeah..let's see first..aha..i hope God gives me a job tht i'll like..hopefully...yesterday was my last paper..which was account..I seriously dunno what i crap in there but i prayed..EVERYDAY tht i did well for each paper...i dun wanna disappoint my parents nor mtself..so God..i surrender everything to u O LOrd. :)I'm so...tired..lol just went Tesco with fam and had KFC for dinner. :3 Aha sorry if this post is lame..just wanted to update sumthing. :) Bye people. :D

Frens or ur lover?

If i were to ask you a simple question..and i asked if who would u prefer ur frens or ur lover? what will your answer be? Sometimes i just dun get people. They fall for someone and they simply just forget about their frens who had been with them before they were in a relationship, who lend a shoulder to cry on, who wipe their tears off, who comfort u in ur time in need but in the end they just spat on them like it was not worthy. WEll, in my opinion no matter how much they hurt you, i just dun knw why but i still be there for them even if they hurt me deeply. I just i forgive easily. Whenever i feel sad or just hurt i remain quite till i feel like talking again. I dunno why but i just do....and sometimes people dun get tht. They just keep bugging me and trying to make me talk and i just keep quite and i m sick of people pissing me off. why can't they understand that i'm not happy and i just want to be alone? Inside me is screaming like really screaming and crying but outside i just look like nothing's wrong. I try to stay strong and hold all the sorrows in me. Then when i found a nice plave, i'll pour my heart out till i'm better or i'll pray. And maybe self soothing myself with food and listening to songs in my room. Quiet and dark. I dunno why i'm even posting this. I guess i read and article before then when ur hurt or heartbroken you should pour out ur feelings to a paper or table rather then keeping it tied up. :/ Take care.<3

I just DO NOT get parents

Like my title i just HAD to blog abt this. I mean seriously! What's their problem?? I dun get them sometimes. Like today, i wanted to cook my own dinner cuz i didn't want to go to my grandma house as it was raining and walking there will be a mess with the wind blowing at my face and had to hold tightly onto my umbrella so anyway, the point was! That my dad was like "Are u sure or not( he mention my name) after u forgot to turn off the fire and start crapping and he said it such a rude way i was insulted and pissed off. One thing i hate abt people is when they underestimate me. I really despise tht. I mean when i don't do something. They complain i never learn or just lazy but when i DID do it they say i'm not cut out for it. So stupid! So what? i mean at least i'm trying! I'm 17 for shit sake! I should start learning by now. Stop treating me like a child. I maybe forgetful but i knw what i'm doing. I bet later he's gonna shit this to my grandma practically talking trash abt me. I knw this because he does this alot of times. He thinks i dun understand chinese but sorry dude i do! I understand what the hell he say when he talks to my grandma because all these years i heard them speaking in chinese. And sometimes i just keep quite abt it even if it was something bad about me. Sorry for the rude way of blogging this but i'm really upset right now. this is not the first time it happen. Sometimes i thought of living in my own apartment...well alot of times i did because i wanted to do things on my own. if i'm here at home my parents won't let me do anything. They comment the way i iron my clothes, the way i swept the floor, the way i fold my clothes..i mean i'm FOLDING my own clothes..not theirs! If tht's the way i like so let it BE! Get it?? it's my clothes and I"M WEARING IT! Who cares if it looks ugly..dun blame me cuz i seen the way they do so i'm just following how they do it so ur practically insulting ur own skill set. :P Urgh parents sometimes really get to my nerves. "==

There is no title

Hi blog, i was suppose to update last week but.. unfortunately i was in depression. Y? Because i got my results back. And i can clearly see tht i didn't work hard enough. I'm really pissed at everyone, myself, God, my frens simply everyone and everything. I hate myself. I studied so HARD> I gave everything i got. i'm soo mad at me and to be honest..i wanted to cut myself. It happen on Friday...i got my sej paper..and unsurprisingly i failed. I was soo soo soo soo DEPRESSED i cried in class( course i'm not sure who saw) but..i was so mad the whole day i kept thinking i wanted to cut myself. I kept thinking what if i done? how would the feeling be...I think satisfaction to be more accurately. I wanted to cut myself because i wanted to punish myself for not focusing. I'm gonna destroyed myself sooner or late if i dun wake up. To see the blood dripping down my hand..tht seems like a first. I cut myself before when i was younger just tht i didn't tell anyone. But it was my fingers..mostly my index finger. just to try and i kinda..like it. Yes i'm crazy. but yesterday i went for mass.( i didn't go for mass for a very long time) and surprisingly the priest was talking about insecurity. And a little bit of being ready to accept yourself. I was shocked because tht's what i actually needed at tht time. I'm very competitive....i hate to see people doing better then me especially in exam. Anyway, I dun knw if tht talk was from God or what but i felt better after tht. My depressed disappear. Automatically. It was something i would like to keep in mind of. Tht God has not given up on u. And i hope He has his reason for not answering my prays in time of need. I dun really hve the mood to post so this is where i stop... PS: Whoever read this better not blab it to certain people and yes i'm referring to YOU. U knw who u are. So this post stays in my blog and tht's tht.

It stings~~

Hello blog~ bit weird talking to a blog. Anywho, i'm bored so i decided to..well..blog. And guess what? I have a secret but i won't tell u here but it's something to do with my skin. Yes skin..it's such a pain to have to take good care of it. Anyway, i read an article about lemons makes ur skin brighter and whiter so i decided to give it a go and guess what as i rub some lemon juice on my skin and BAM! It's stings so so so so badly. It's like waxing the hair off ur skin. It hurts so bad i just keep myself from screaming. I was like "Urghhhh~" hold it in. Yeah..today was my bad experience with lemons but my skin is all red now but i would like to see the results it turn out later. Haizzz..i'm crazy yes it's because i'm too cheap to buy whitening products at the pharmacy.xD Natural home remedies are a way cheap and less chemical to effect to ur skin/hair. So my trials is over and yes i'm very happy but next week is the results..and damn i'm so scared i could pee in my pants. Lol. No not really. I'm so nervous. I do not want to see my effort gone down to the drain. I mean..I WORKED so hard for this and it sucks if it turns out bad! and unfair!>:( Since my birthday had pass few days ago.. actually a week ago i had did some flashback this few days. I been thinking when i was young what i had done look like all good memories i have taken and recorded it in my mind. Have u ever been used by sum1 before? Yeah..thought so. It sucks. I recently found out tht someone was using me to get in a relationship with my best fren. As soon as i got to knw tht..boy did i confront tht person like mad. WE're not talking anymore and in the end my fren wasn't interested. XD It serve u right for using sum1 like that. U gain that person trust and thinking ' Oh great, i could count on him/her" but in the end they just stabs u in the back..like cheese. Lol i dun really knw why cheese but yeah cheese. But it's life..so anyway i gtg..so i'll post soon~ TTFN

Happy 17th Birthday to mee~~

Haha! Yeah i'm 17~~ woot! This year was the best birthday among all my birthdays!:) Why?? Because my parents didn't argue today. So i guess this is also consider the best birthday present~! ;) I mean my parents normally argue whenever we go out together as a family..so..anyway....we went IOI actually we went to this new place called Parimidim and it was HUGE~! o.O But still renovating...and inside was all clothes shop nothing much and no FAST FOOD restaurants(yet) and i wanted pizza so we decided to go Ioi i took sum pics but i'll only post them in FB. And and i GOT A NEW PHONE~!! Woot I'm so happy..i mean finally. I been praying for a new phone and i guess God decided to give it to me on the right time and man it was. Haha i'm enjoying my new phone and well i enjoyed my birthday and yups i shall post soon. :)

LOL

Ok is it just me or did i just forget on how to actually change my blogger template?? xD Weird i must be on drugs! Lol i'm kidding dun give me that look! Anyway, urgh what a waste of good sleep! Ok so i had this bible knowledge exam and i was completely unprepared! Y?? Because this week i had exams and i didn't have time to study. I knw..no excuse but listen. My exams schedule are really a mess. i hve to study everything last min. I even sacrifice my sleep just to study and boy did it stinks! I mean seriously! i thought pulling a all nighter actually works but no it doesn't..during the exam today i thought it would finally paid off but hell no! As soon as i got the paper..my eyes felt sleepy. I almost wanted to just drop dead on the table and take a few naps but no i forced myself to focus and i actually crap the whole paper. I felt bad cuz i should knw my own religion but this exam wasn't easy. They dun want just an eassay they want it exactly on the book. U can't edit ur own words or quotes. No! It has to be on the essay which it sucks cuz who can remember every single word in the bokok? Exact words? But i was wrong. I saw sum people was actually writing 5-7 pages long when mine is just 2 pages! But this is just trials which is good. Now it wake me up! It made me feel like there's no time to fool around and i WANT to get an A form my bible knowledge. I'm actually aiming 6 As for SPM..but i'm not sure if i can do it but i'll try. subjects are... - English (duh) -Moral -Bible Knowledge -Perdagangan -Science -Maths?? Well i'm hoping actually so yeah. xD haha anyways today was cool cuz it was my first time taking LRT with my frens~! Two of them actually. It was with Suzie and Nick. I was so excited at first i mean LRT with frens? how cool is that? Well we were SUPER DUPER late for exam. like 15 mins late cuz of Nick who had to come late cuz of work(didn't knew he had a job) Anyway but he got us MCD so basically i forgive for being late. I mean come we were only 15 mins late. Not to mention we had to walk like what seems like a 1000 miles to the school which is at Stella Maris beside(St. Anthony church). *rolleyes* Anywho, i been tired lately and i thought coming home i would sleep but nope! I actually bought a new DVD at my mom's working place on the way home. :) It was nice. LOL(Miley Cyrus) acts in it.At first i hesitate cuz i heard rumors that it was a bad movie but no. It was actually like what we teens are feeling. Except the drugs, and free sex part or the smoking pot. Other then that it was nice. It was more to american teen prob rather then asian teens? Man i'm crapping. Aha.. oh i forgot to mention tht my relationship is improving. :) I think it's because i'm growing up and my mom seems to try and create a close relationship with me. Plus, she's getting me a new phone. Which is actually hers but she just bought it this year and i like it. It got blue tooth, wifi ,songs i can jam into. Just what i want. I'm not too picky to my phone. Owh yeah. there was this incident when me and my frens were having luch at MCD. lol breakfast MCD lunch MCD. xD Ain't healthy. So this boy little bot around 4-5 years old was sitting beside me. My fren told me he kept staring at me so i turned and yikes he was. I'm like errr....ok?? I dun really knw how to react with kids. My fren asked me 'why u don't like kids' I'm like no..i don't. U see i have a brother..a younger brother. 5 years younger then me...so during his growing up..he has totally lost my passion for kids. The way he demand things and pest me around drives me mad. It's a long story..(i think my cousin should know) Dun get me wrong i love my brother only at certain age...i think maybe this year i start liking him cuz he grown from that bradish attitude and becoming more mature and....really tuff to handle. Really tuff.:/ So yeah i guess i kinda lost my interest in entertaining children. When they stare at me i'll just stare back or smile. I dun knw how to make them smile..-_- but seeing how my fren actually had a french fry eating comp with the kid makes me miss having a much much younger (like 2-3) brother. After that age, he grew to be a pest(My brother)Until her mom gave us the nuggets she bought for her kid but ended giving to her (actually to all of us) but we was so fulled. xD Especially me. o.O i has gastric and i threw up in the toilet cuz my stomach was pushing the urge to vomit into my throat. I dun have anorexia ok. I just feel like throwing up whenever my gastric becomes bad and i dun hve the appetite to eat. So yeah... i been typing alot today..hiazz any way i gtg so i shall see you around. ;)

Take 5

I'm not really sure why i name my title 'Take 5' i think it's because i hear those celeb when they felt pressure on screen, the director will ask them to take five.xD i guess i kinda got dips for that line. Haha. Anyway, i 'm actually NOT suppose to be on9 because my trials are on and i'm just taking a little break. So far my break has gone up more then an hour which is not good. I should be studying...yes..i think i really should..but saying it is much more easier then doing it. >< Anyways, i'm proud to say my fren Joey actually had sum guy wanting to sell her pics. This is such good news. Her drawings had definitely improved from the last time i saw them. It's great really. She can do business if she agree to this. Though i'm really longing to go to Comic Fiesta this year. Think i'll wear my ninjutsu outfit since i dun have time to find a outfit to cosplay as. But unfortunately i dun think i'll be able to make it since my REAL SPM actually starts on that month. Actually it starts on Joey birthday Nov 5th..aha what a birthday present man. XD so i'll be busy and practically pouring my brains out.I miss my frens....everyday i go to skul i look at my frens i felt nothing. I felt i dun belong to that group. At all. I miss my old frens. My frens who calls me and asked how i'm doing...yeah i really do miss them. I'm counting the days when my high school will ends. Then i 'll be free..free..from 'them' and go back to the place that i left for almost 2 years now. Sum of my frens kena PLKN...thank God i didn't get picked and i really pray for their safety. I heard alot of complains about that program...aha which i dun think it'll be a good idea to mention them here. Sorry. My trials..ahh~ well they are going well so far but i'm afraid for next Tuesday which is my perdagangan subject which i dun hate but i think it hates me. -_- i dun understand why it won't go into my head. I should have entered sub-science! I reggreted it! The principle in my new skul actually came to my class and offered sum students and i was one of them but i turned it down( what was i thinking!!) now i'm stuck to this artsy partsy class and my classmates are like robots. Never participate in class and i'll be the one answering the questions in class like a class nerd. Yeah..not a really good image in class if u knw what i mean. But i get along with sum i guess..they're not that bad...when they are nice. Plus, i think i need to change my background.>< i been stuck with this background for quite sumtime now. I think i'll change after my trials which ends in two weeks time..:3 and i shall breathe..a little. Kays i think i update enough..so i shall see u guys when i see u guess. Take care and God bless~ :3

This is me...

Hello my friend, i think i just realized that whenever i feel down or dun knw how to expression myself..i come to you...well, today i come to you once again. I'm practically turning 17 next month and still in the process of growing up i still hve a mind of a 16 year old girl. i dun understand why some people like to treat me like i'm 30 or in my twenties. You see, coming for a 16 year old girl i'm not mature yet and i still need people to make decisions for me and tell me what to (although i hate it when people does tht) anyway, i wished that some adults can understand my situation as a TEENAGE girl growing up just like to go through life experience as much as i can. I like to have fun. I like to be adventurous. I can't sit at home all the time lock in my room doing practically nothing. I'm a quite person. I keep alot of things in my mind which i dun show others what i'm thinking. My frens say i dream alot..actually i 'm not. I being in my own world. Asking questions and answering them my self. I like to think about the future and i make plans about the future in my head. Tht's why i like to write...i love writing...because writing is the only way i can express myself. I'm not a type who speaks everything abt what i feel..no..tht's not me. i always forget what to say or i'll reconsider my feelings which make me feel worst later on. I'm being me. U dun judge and i won't judge you. U dun me..although u THINK u knw but no..u dun. My childhood up till now made me open up my eyes. I been through alot. And i'm practically the only one in my family who seen the worst tht could ever been seen. My brother is still young and he is still going through his childhood..my cousin..i'm not really sure but i know she does not go through what i did. Parents fighting, having to choose which parent u prefer best at such a young age..hearing family backgrounds which is sometimes unpleasant..and having the feeling of being useless. i'm always being compared. Ever since young i always been compared. My family doesn't realized this but i do. They dun knw tht they were comparing me.. and i always been compared to one of my family member but i'm not going to mention who is it. She should knw for herself or maybe she doesn't. People say i'm too sensitive...maybe i am. I'm me..who are you? I know myself..and i'm still getting to knw deeper about myself. I knw what and who i believe in. I dun need you to tell me. Since young i have a very strong faith. I always hve and been. I dun need some book or go trough seminars to find out that the Lord loves me..because i knw. He has been with me and had help me pick myself. U didn't. U were not there when i need you..you were not there to save me. He did..it was all Him. Dun take tht from me. Dun try to change my faith. I make mistakes..it's for me to correct them and it's for me to learn from them...not you. Ever since i was young....i never loose my faith...because he is all i hve. He is there when i need him. He never gave up hope on me..nor will i ever gave up hope on him. I love him. U can be all disappointed with me for all i care. No one in this world can teach me better about faith then Him. He show me how to have faith EVERYDAY in my life. Did u knw tht God had tested my faith EVERY single day? Did u knw how strong my faith is now? A person is a person. We learn from things we see and do. U can teach a child about life..but U can't tell a child how to live their lives. Everyone has the rights to make their own decision. I do too. so please, do not..because of this ruin everything we had together. Dun ruin this relationship just because you can't make me become someone who u want me to be. i'm tired of being whatever they want me to be...i'm sick of it.I hve nothing against u. You are important to me just the same as He is important to me. He is my saviour and my hero...don't take it away.

My crappy life

'why me?' bet y'all ask this question to yourself every time huh? And sometimes it's good and sometimes it's bad. Y i say that? I dunno if my life is starting to suck all over again and when i thought it was all going well, something just comes in and ruin the whole thing.It's depressing..really..it..is...my so called peer pressure sucks...i hate it and i wish i can just take it and wrap it up...and throw it sumwhere far...i try to stay strong for the sake of..i'm not so sure..but sometimes i think giving up is simply better. There was once a very precious person in my life. He was my best fren. He and i use to be tight. I can always count on him no matter what. We always spend time together and our relationship was tight. I miss him....I miss our crazy conversations...i miss our fun time..i miss him giving me advice even in small matters..i miss how close we use to be..until..things change...that very person is..my daddy. I miss calling him 'daddy'. I use to run to him when i had problems or i'm feeling sad..which i am now. Practically having tears rolling down my cheeks as i type this post. When i was young...and before my brother was born...everything was wonderful..as i grew and grew till i'm a teenage girl..things became worst. Feelings were hurt, hearts were broken and words just killed us. Everything was not..the same. I dunno how..and i dunno why..i started backing away from my father...i wish i didn't..i regret it very much..but now i dunno what to do. I wish i can turn back time. I really do...I dun share with him anything anymore...i dun tell him how was my ay and stuff like that anyomre..it's pretty sad. Now...my brother has replace me. I'm just a shadow in their relationship. I felt left out. They never share anything to me and i do the same. Y?? Y did this happen? where was my mistake? My daddy now scolds me more often and hurt my feelings more but to my brother...my brother was like the King. He get's everything from my father. If my brother is mad my dad will DO ANTHING to make him smile. But to me. He'll won't do tht...never. My brother comes first..me? i'm just something to put into a drawer and take out when needed. He doesn't support me anymore. He doesn't come watch me during sports. He doesn't support my effort or my church activities. I remember one time he ruin my birthday and on my confirmation day..everything was ruin.....everything is......gone..destroyed. I hate my life. I feel like i have no father. God? well sometimes i feel that God is no here for me...sometimes i think He left me because he thinks i need to be punished. i dun know how this will go on. I knw crying and weeping is useless..but i felt much better to actually see and feel how much pain i'm in. It helps me to see the situation more clearly. My so called dad...dun love me. He oni needs me to borrow money from me or when he had no other company to be with. If i can just die right now...i would. To just go into a deep sleep and get away from any breathing organism in this world. I sometimes get jealous at my own frens for having such supportive loving Father. When i tried to get close to my daddy..try to bring us back...he just start getting rude to me...making me feel bad and stupid. I got no one to turn too..I can't turn to God..no..when i do..i dun feel comfort..but just nothing.Sometimes i think God doiesn't listens to me..even if he does he doesn't do anything. I dun even knw why i bother. I hate being mad at my father..it kills me whenever we fight. I always cry when we do. It hurst me to see my dad hurt or sad..but y can't he feel the same with me? No one can help me. People just show their sympathy to me which i hate. I DUN NEED THEIR STUPID SYMPATHY! WHAT CAN SYMPATHY DO? NOTHING! IT DOESN"T FIX UR BLOODY PROBLEM NOR DOES IT MAKE YOU FEEL BETTER! TO HELL WITH THOSE PEOPLE! Who gives a shit abt them. AS i grow..i'll stop my tears. i'll stop feeling sorry for my self and i'll stop feeling sad for him. I'll move him out of my life. i watch movies on how fathers love their daughter and would do anything for them...that's something i can never have till the day i die...

It's clear to me now...O

Ok. See this pic? What does it tell u? WEll in my little opinion, i think this pic really gives me the strength to hold to the Lord. I mean to see the Lord catch u from behind when ur about to fall is seriously inspiring! I mean come on..who will be there to catch u when ur about to fall from ur knees? U knw, i'm really glad to be born as a Christian! To actually knw tht there is actually someone there who catches u, be with u every single day without fail. There's no human tht is perfect enough for tht. I think the reason i keep holding through life is because of Him. Everyday i love him more and more...some of my frens dun get it. Whenever they ask me, y hold on to something like tht, I felt so sorry for them. Because they can't seem to see and feel what i felt. I always try my best to share the word of the Lord to my frens but i can see tht they are not interested. It's quite sad actually. Plus, i hve a fren who is madly in love with a guy who is a catholic like me. But she's a different religion. She got so upset tht he wasn't interested in her because she's from other religious. And she complain to me and i remember she said 'Catholics are so stubborn' at tht point i wanted to slap her. But of course rational thinking..i hold on to myself. Just becuz he's not interested she said tht?! I just smile and said 'Oh well'. But i knw i should defend myself but i guess i just kept quite because i leave it all to the Lord. I hope someday, the Lord will touch her and make her open up her heart. Sometimes i just want to run away from this earth and just ran to the Lord. I knw He will come to me with open arms. U see tht's what is so AMAZING about God. He doesn't look through ur sins. He is always ready to accept u if ur ready to accept him. Sometimes i just wanna leave everything behind and walk with the Lord. I always dreamed since i was a little girl, tht one day i can see Him. I always wanted to see Him. I'm just anxiously waiting for tht day to come. Keep on waiting everyday. To simply just go away from this place. It's so filled with crimes, lies, heartbrokens and worst of all, not being accepted by others. It's....it's.. so shitty! U knw?! Forgive me for my language but tht's how i feel.Anyways, my holiday just started and here i am infront of the com updating my blog, nothing else to do although i hould really get started on my homework and my accounts project but yeah..lazy mode on. But hopefully i'll be able to get things done before next week because i really want to enojy my second week of hols to the fullest! ;)

Dun make me use the word 'I Hate You'

First of all, dun u dare blame for what i hve become. It is not my fault since u are the one who decided to change my life by taking the one that i once had. For your information i was very happy with my life before u totally crushed it when i was on 16. U send me to hell. It's ur fault for doing so and u got no right to judge me. I'm old enough to take care of myself, i'm old enough to think for myself. Who are u say these things to me when u dun even bother about us? All u do is listen to one side and straight away use that opportunity to scream and shout and scold me when u never listen to my side of the story. I dun give a damn if ur are in a whole lot of stress. Others are the same but they can think rationally so what's ur excuse? Unlike you i have very strong believe in my faith so i can think what is right and what is wrong. I do things each day for the Lord not for you. Unlike u who never support me nor give me motivation but use all ur energy to yell at me trying to hurt my feelings when i'm not in the wrong. U do ur job as parents and i do my job as a child. Ur job is to accept me for who i am. Give me attention and support when i really need it but all u do is discourage me and look down on my abilities. U spoiled my spirit but the reason i just keep pulling my self up is because of what i hve learn in my church for as long as i remember. Without this i will definitely would hve been out of this world. U should thank the Lord that i'm not onw of those who suicide when things go wrong or cut myself when i'm depressed. U have no idea how much i wanted to do those kind of things but i who has at least the brains to think that it is wrong. U never sacrifice anything for me. U dun care about my health and when i finally manage to get good results u just say it's not enough. What the hell are you man? U see me as a disappointing child and i see the same as you. Where were u when i need you? U hypocrites! A child get influence by parents so i'm just a reflection of the two of you who are behaving like this. U never should me how to live and how to carry on in life. U just want a straight and clear road when i want to solve the road when it gets all parted and blocked. U acted like u were never a teenager before and compliment urself how u had never been through what i'm dealing with. WHAT U BEEN THROUGH IS NONE OF MY CONCERNS! U Do ur darn job as parents and guide me to get off this shiity situations.( U selfish dogs! Wanna knw sumthing? I use to feel sorry to think of u two this way but not anymore. U cross the line. I used to love you but now i dun. I used to tell myself i was wrong to be mean at you but U MADE me do it. U made me hate u and u made despise u. U dun listen to me when i really need u. U were not there when i was in pain and hurt. U asked me my frens are more important. U knw y? they are ones who been there for me. They listen to me and the support me. They accept me and made me feel special. When i decided to tell u my problems u close one ear and thought of me as a disgusting difficult child. U dun reason things out when ur mad. U just throw all these hurtful things at me. I used to cry because of that and i use to often go into my room and locked the door and simply just pour my eyes out. Not anymore. I changed. I realize how i dun need u in my life. I learn to do things and solve things. I knew who i can turn when i'm down. One day u'll regret when all these. Keep it up u'll definitely regret it. U just wait and see. I'm growing up and i'm getting wiser on things. Dun make me hurt u in future and u'll start blamming urself. Now u just shout and blame my actions when u cannot see the reason why i'm acting this way. Just wait and see..for i'm sick and tired of ur act. It is time to close the curtains and realize urself before it's too late. (i'm sorry if i had use mean and nasty words in this post but it can't be help. Do understand)

Why do these things happen?

why do these things happen? Like this week was a shitty week or me! why? some a** hole stole my WALLET!!!!!!!! Seriously man i feel so depressed. Most of my precious things are in there....i dun why humans nowadays are so sickening? I mean....why steal things? u knw..i dunno but not to be too religious here but everything in this world should be free. yeas isadi it..F.R.E.E. y? cuz it's made from God. And God do NOT charge us for anything. It's just stupid humans who get the idea that we have to pay for our stuff. How stupid right? But anyways, my wallet is gone....My precious wallet which i carried with me where i go out.THis is why i hate my skul! The jerks over there are so immature and so many shitty people who can't get a grip! that's the different between educated people and non-educated people. In my old skul(seafield) U can leave ur wallet in ur bag without worrying about it being lost or stolen cuz the people there are not like here. Thank Goodness it's my last year. I can't WAIT to leave and get the hell out from there. Stupid SHIT SKUL! SCREW U!!!! Gosh i guess i'm still mad. i mean who wouldn't right? Idiots! So basically this post is all about my wallet and dedicated to it cuz i simply love it. Yeah....i swear...if i found out who that person is....he got serious thing coming towards him. Y i said he...cuz i got sum suspicious on a few people who are guys. So yeah...i got no other topics to talk about cuz i'm really not in a mood to think about other stuff then my beloved wallet.....

HAPPY CNY!!!!!!

Hello again! I been meaning to type a post soon but i was sick. So i hope u guys enjoyed ur CNY cuz i knw i did! But unfortunately i gotten really dark....like CHARCOAL! =( y? cuz i went PD for like 2 days and came back looking like a foreigner! Anyway, i got sunburn as well and yeah..i really hate the look i'm having right now. When i went for dinner at my grandma cousins house...i really a moment to think(cuz i didn't hve anyone to talk to) and suddenly i realized that...how i miss the times when i celebrated CNY with my cousin and aunt and other relatives...When i look at the kids(not mine but my aunts) they hve ipad 1 and 2...in a age of 7!!!"== When we were young..all we got was pokemon cards and those family cards. How the things sure change. And i thought...it would be more merry if people aren't so obsessed with their phones and tv...and laptops. But actually talk or hve a simple conversation with one another...i mean..gosh i dun think i'm making a point here. '== but for those who gets me great. So..yeah..gosh my head hurts. i was like deadly sick yesterday so i was like in bed the whole day...sleeping now i feeling abit better i guess. But moving on, hols are about to finish and yeah i'm stuck in bed...but i really couldn't face my classmates this mon cuz..I'M SO DARK!! like freaking dark! :'( i mean i am dark naturally. but not as dark as now...i really do hope that this 'tan' will come off...really soon! i think m gonna change my song list today..hopefully...if i'm not to lazy.

I hope it stays that way...

Hey guys~ hope u guys had a great week. So this week is my 2nd week of skul..and wow! I'm surprise that everything seems so...nice.:) What i mean by nice is that....me and my fren are in the same bus..no one in my class got streamed and i get to sit beside sum guy who can actually teach me add maths and modern maths( Just to make things clear..teacher decided to put us boy girl pattern)I was actually sitting with my frens but he can come in really handy sometimes.:) I just hope things will be great like this till i graduate.:D I pray! xD lol. anyway, i look forward to Chinese New Year cuz ang pau...and..well basically that. I really need to save up if i wanna buy a new phone.."== Anyway, yeah well...since i can't get a job( cuz of my aunt) i have to depend on my allowance.So...this week..it's sort of a stressful week..cuz it's just the begining of the year..yeah. BUT it's thursday now so i look forward to the weekends!;D Aha, i can't wait for my confirmation! I hope it's gonna be sumthing good that i can remember for the rest of my life. It's weird being adult...ok teen going on adult. It's hard to act mature in my age...i mean sumtimes i will but sumtimes i just want to be a kid again. Like if i watch disnet movies( yes i still watch em) or see sumthing that made me recall my childhood...i just felt so LUCKY that i had a chance to experiance things that no more been made. I feel sorry for those who born like..now or in the year 2006-2012. Cuz things CHANGE compare then last time where everybody isn't sooo obsessed with techno!Like phones,MP3, FB and more! Ok maybe i'm abit like that...oni in fb and my mp3.Although..i miss my camp frens but oh well, i'm not really close to them anyways. I been watching hair tutorial over youtube..aha wanted to cut my hair so been looking out for hairstyles. BUT I do recommand u guys to watch lilcammo93. She is awesome! she's Auzzie and yeah. Her accent is nice and all the hairstyles she do suits her and maybe u guys as well. :) In case ur intrested......I got tution later...around five-ish. *sigh* Everyday is tuition day for me..well except for the weekends but on sun..hve to church...">< so i'm oni free on a Sat...i guess. DO UGUYS KNW i'm practically obsessed with the 80s-90s?!! :D THEY ARE AWESOME! I mean..can u really find songs like this now? Uh-huh i dun think so! Although my fren says they suck i strictly disagree with her. Dun u guys feel the same? I mean songs that are created now...dun make sense."== like it's oni the melody and the words they use(which i hve no idea what the are trying to proof) made their songs sound catchy. Believe me if young people are not so intrested in the S word or that, their career will seriously be flushed away. BELIEVE ME! The reason the artist now are so freaking famous cuz of their faces and body looks( bieber,selena,david archuleta..etc)it's not because of their song. Maybe 30% song 70% looks! How do i knw? well, i'm a teen so i'm basically blend in with my generations. EXCEPT like bieber, selena gomez and any of those people. WEll this is a LONG post. So i'll see u guys real soon and BYE~ :)GOD BLESS

Goodbye 2011 Hello 2012

Wow! Just thinking about it reminds me of when i was young and it's like 2001,2002 but now...2012! Gosh! How time sure flies....*sigh* This year is REALLY BIG for me...this is the year where i'll be sitting of my SPM...and shit i'm practically freaking out. Who knew right? it's like the exam for my future. Anyway, i'm posting this the day before skul starts. I seriously DUN wanna go...:'( Usually when skul about to reopen i'll be really happy cuz i get to see my friends! But now...i dun wanna see any of my classmates in my so called 'new'skul(wow it's been a year) I knw it sounds mean but hey...i got reasons. i dun hve the mood for skul with them...they um....let's just say...their own kind. i'm not racist i'm just saying out the facts..great now i forgotten what i wanna say...*sigh* I hve three different lives...not saying i'm 2 face person. In school, at home and at church. The three places(if u call it) is how i can different shape my life...at school i DUN FEEL comfortable at all...cuz i'm always alone..i recess alone and do things solo...at home..i'm with my family which i'm okay with that..cuz i can do my own thing and surf the internet all i want but at church...is where i feel more at home...cuz ok my church is in SFX...and i dun really communicate with my classmates much but i feel like...really comfy..u knw? I just can't wait to finished up my school and bagan my life..i just wanna get away from the people i knw in Puchong...i want to loose contacts with them. It's just so frustrating to be around them...look to make it clear i'm not being bullied ok...i just DUN understand why..and i mean why can they get that it's time to communicate with other people besides their skin color...knw what i mean? That's is why i just can't wait to focus my studies..finished them and GET THE HECK OUT OF THERE...although there's time i wish i could spend my last year of skul with my REAL Frens....*sigh* Anyway..hope u guys hve a great week and see u guys real soon! :)